Organ Mountain Zen



Sunday, May 7, 2023

Joe's World #1

 

Joe’s World: a Detective Series, #1

 

 

The world, according to Joe, was a world that didn’t make sense and he didn’t like that. Not at all. Joe was a detective with the Silver City police force, Silver City was barely a small town really, hardly a “city.” But he was a detective, none the less, and laying on the ground in the alley in front of him was a seriously dead woman.  Her demise was vicious. Knife wounds everywhere.

                Her name was Dotty. Dotty McGinnis. Dotty was the best waitress in town. She worked at the “Eat More Café,” an old greasy spoon that had been in business for as long as he could remember. The café was pretty much where everyone went for breakfast and often as much for lunch. He knew Dotty since she first came to town about a year ago. Even then, he remembered thinking she was running from something or someone. She had that look, anxious, looking over her shoulder, noticing whenever someone would come in the door.  After awhile he just chalked that up to being a good waitress because she always knew where someone was sitting.

                Looking at her body, he noticed several stab wounds. There were indications she had put up a bit of a struggle. One hand open, the other in a fist. Slashes on both her forearms. Her wedding ring was missing, and her bag torn apart. Dotty wasn’t married but wore a ring to help her brush the flies away.  That’s what she called them, the men who would hit on her from time to time, because after all, Dotty was a very attractive woman for her age, which Joe reckoned to be in her mid-forties.  What man asks a woman her age? 

                Joe didn’t want to touch Dotty’s body until the medical examiner had a chance to take a look. By now a small crowd of lookie loos had gathered, many with cell cameras out doing their thing.  Joe asked an officer standing nearby to push back the crowd and turned his attention back to Dotty. He noticed something else besides the ring. Her ankles were bruised as if someone had gripped them tight and there wasn’t a lot of blood around her body. Clearly, she wasn’t killed here in this alley.

                Joe didn’t have a partner. People said he was too intense or something. No one wanted to work with him, which was alright by him. He actually preferred to work alone.

                “Just when the hell is that Doc gonna get here?” he asked out loud and not to anyone in particular. “She should be here any minute now Detective.” He heard a female voice coming from behind him say. Joe turned around to see a female officer looking directly at him.

                “And who the hell are you?” he questioned rather sternly.

                “Officer Johnson.” She stated matter of factly.

                “How long ya been here?” Joe asked. Followed by, “How long you been on the force?”

“I was the first officer on the scene.” She replied, “And only six months.” She added somewhat meekly. “Well, officer,” he began, standing next to Officer Sheila Johnson, who appeared to be about five foot five, blond, and quite stiff, “what did you see when you got here?”  “The victim was just as she is now. There were no people around, I didn’t see a weapon of any kind, no footprints or scuff marks.”

Joe motioned for Johnson to follow him. As they walked back to his car, Johnson listened to him chatter, basically to himself, “this doesn’t make sense. Dotty was a waitress, she wasn’t married or dating anyone.” Johnson wondered how the detective knew that or even if it was true. “Her money was still in her purse, so it wasn’t robbery” Joe continued, “And it was up close and personal…if I didn’t know better…” Joe stopped muttering. “Johnson, I want you to canvas the area.  See if you can find a witness or something. Let me know. I need some coffee.”

Joe climbed into his car, an old Studebaker, and turned to smile at Johnson then thought better of it and drove off.  Officer Johnson turned around, saw some guys on the corner and walked over to them. As she did, she kept wondering what the relationship was between the detective and the victim. It bothered her somehow.

2.

Joe was a burly man. A veteran and he showed it by the way he carried himself. Tallish, with a beard and longish hair, often not particularly combed.  He smoked, but didn’t think anyone cared about that, but they did. Either way really didn’t matter to him.  He simply did whatever he wanted to do and often told people the rules don’t apply to him.

Arriving at the Silver City Police Department, he quickly went upstairs to his office in the squad room, reviewed his mental notes of the crime scene, and considered what to do next.  This was hard. Dotty was a friend, though no one knew it.  They had been dating for about six weeks, but it wasn’t anything he talked about so, he thought, no one knew. Joe preferred it that way.

While Joe was reminiscing, Officer Johnson had interviewed several people in the neighborhood of the crime scene. When she returned, Dr. Trish (everyone called her that) the M.E., was just finishing looking over the body.  Johnson asked her what she had found.

“Not much” Dr Trish said, “clearly there were defensive wounds. She put up one heck of a fight.” 

“Do you have a time of death?” Johnson asked.

“Yeah, between one and two o’clock last night.” Dr Trish stated while still examining the body “I’ll know more when we get her back to the morgue.”  With that, Johnson thought she’d better get back to the station and report to the Detective.  Climbing in her squad car, she took one last look back at the ME standing over the body. This was her first murder scene, and she knew she really wasn’t prepared for it but believed she could be up to it.

One sip of the squad room’s coffee and he knew he made a mistake pouring it.  As he set the rank cup down, Johnson came into the room. Funny, every cop in the place stopped what they were doing to watch her walk across the floor to Joe’s office. Joe cleared his voice loudly and they all turned away.

“You have something for me, officer?” Joe asked.  “Not really, Detective,” she said as she looked down at Joe’s full coffee cup, “ the coffee not to your liking? I can absolutely understand that. Anyway, I did talk with the ME and she said our vic fought back hard, but it was up close.” “And what’d that tell you Officer?” Joe asked. “That our vic knew her killer” Johnson replied. “Right!” Joe exclaimed as if to mock her. “You knew that…how did you know that?” she stuttered. “Oh, come on, what? Johnson, is it?” he added, “let’s go.” And with that, it seemed Officer Johnson was becoming the detective’s partner, or so it seemed to her.

In Joe’s car she let Joe know the time of death. They didn’t speak much because, as we know, Joe’s not a talker. So, they drove quietly to the café where they sat at a table, ordered coffee and breakfast. They ate quietly. Joe noticed she drank her coffee black which pleased him somehow. She noticed he was scanning the room. What was he looking for? she thought. Maybe faces that didn’t fit?  That’s what she’d be doing, but she wasn’t as she was studying him as they sat there.

Joe fixed his gaze on Johnson. “How long you been on the force?” he asked in a way that made Johnson feel a bit uncomfortable. He noticed this but let the question hang. She decided to put the question back on him, “Why do you ask?”

For an instant he thought, ‘smart move, answering a question with a question,’  but he pursued it. “I’m serious” he asked. Johnson looked at Joe, “8 months, does that help? I know you are sizing me up.”

“Not really” Joe responded, looking into his empty coffee cup, “I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“Nonsense” she countered, “I’ve heard stories about you. You don’t have a partner. You’re a ‘lone wolf’ people say.” “But you’re not my partner” Joe shot back. He could see her recoil just a little. “But you’re right, I do work alone. I haven’t met anyone who can keep up with me” he added with a wry smile. “Can you keep up?” I like how you took charge of the crime scene by the way.”

“People often judge me over my looks, they say I’m just a pretty face, got a nice ass, great boobs, and that’s all they see. I get that. Had to deal with it all my life. But I say, fuck them! And you if that’s what you think.” She sat back in her chair and just stared at him.

Joe got up abruptly, picked up both checks and tossed hers down on the table for her. “We have work to do he snapped.” She got up as their waitress came over to Joe.

“I heard about Dotty” Betty whispered to Joe, “terrible! God, who would do such a thing?”

Betty was a waitress at the Eat More Café since it opened. She was tall and thin and smoked a lot. Joe and she would smoke out back of the kitchen. Joe learned a lot about the townspeople from these smokes together.

“How was Dotty last night?  Did she seem more anxious than usual? Did anyone bother her? You know what I mean.” Joe asked.

“No, but there was something” Betty offered. She gave me this…”and pulled an old-fashioned pocket watch out of her apron “she said to give it to you if anything happened to her” handing it over to Joe. Joe looked at it, flipping it over a couple times.  “OK, thanks” Joe simply said. “You guys had something together?” Betty asked, almost nervously. Joe didn’t answer.

In Joe’s car, he struggled to open the watch.  “There must be some trick to this” he muttered, and pulling out his Swiss Army knife, he was able to break it open. Inside there was a small picture of two girls, probably somewhere around eight and ten years old. He showed it to Johnson as he started driving. “I wonder who they are?” Joe said aloud. “Daughters maybe?” Johnson suggested. As she fingered the watch back she felt something else. With her fingernail she picked out a small, folded, piece of paper. She unfolded it to reveal an address written on it.

“24 Hampshire Road,” she read, almost in a whisper. “What was that?” Joe asked, a little annoyed at her whisper and probably because Johnson had found it instead of him.

 

3

Special Agent Gloria Dumas had just got back from lunch when she saw the message light blinking on her desk telephone. She picked up the receiver and pushed the message code.  “Hello?” an anxious woman’s voice said, “I hope you remember me. I’m in trouble!” she sounded frantic. “24 Hampshire Road, in Silver City Pennsy. Please help me!” Then she heard a muffled voice and the phone went dead.

Dumas faintly recalled that voice but couldn’t be sure. She called her tech people and asked if they could track the call or get anything off the message itself. Pulling her pistol out of her locked desk drawer she got up to leave, That address wasn’t too far away.

Gloria Dumas had been a field agent for about fifteen years. She had had the experience of working on robberies, assaults, kidnappings, and even a few murders --- as long as they all were in Federal jurisdiction, no problem. A little chubby, she fooled a lot of people. She was particularly strong and could outrun many other agents. On the drive she wracked her brain trying to put a face to the message she heard. The woman certainly sounded as though she was in trouble.

It took about two hours for her to get to Silver City and find the address. As she pulled up she noticed a car in the drive. It was an old house needing repair. The lawn desperately needed help. She got out of her car, pulled out her badge and gun and approached the front door.

She knocked on the door, “FBI, Anyone home?”  She waited a little. “FBI, I’m coming in!”

As she called out the second time, Joe opened the door with his badge in his hand and Officer Johnson behind him, weapon drawn. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” Gloria demanded. “Well, damn, if it isn’t the FBI coming to save the day!” Joe said in mock relief.

“Cut the shit” Gloria barked. But before she could get another word out, Joe said, “I’m Detective Joe Montana and this is Officer Johnson of the Silver City Police Department. We are here investigating a murder, and you?”

“I see,” said Gloria, “I’m Special Agent Gloria Dumas. I’m here because I received a message from a woman who was frantic asking for my help. Who was murdered?”  “A woman here named Dottie McGinnis, a waitress at the Eat More Café.” Joe replied. Gloria then asked, “Is this where she lived?” “We’re not sure…but wait a minute. This is our case, what are you doing here?” Joe asked in a rather Joe-like gruff voice.”

“Frankly, I’m not sure. The name you gave me doesn’t ring a bell. All I know is a frantic woman left a voice message on my message service at the FBI leaving this address.” Gloria responded.

“Well, that’s interesting” Joe said, “Can we hear that message?”

“Let me check on that.” Gloria said. “I’ll call my office.”  With that she took out her cell and made a call, walking away from Joe and Johnson.

“I don’t trust her” Johnson whispered to Joe. “Me either.”

Gloria returned and said her office would send the audio file in a few minutes. “Is there anything here in this house?” she asked both of them.  The house was very dark. Gloria switched on the light switch in the hall several times and apparently there was no power in the house. They all took a few minutes to open the drab curtains over the windows. The house hadn’t appeared lived in for months. Dust everywhere, but there were papers strewn around the floor in the living room and the desk drawers had been emptied.

Gloria’s phone chimed a ridiculous chime and Joe couldn’t help himself; he chuckled when he heard it. “Dumas here” Gloria answered, “yes. Yes, OK” she put the phone on speaker so they all could hear the message the frantic woman left. Johnson had noticed Joe’s eyes squinting involuntarily when he heard Dottie’s voice. 

“Can I have a moment with my Detective?” Johnson asked and without hearing a reply from either, she grabbed Joe’s arm and pulled him back into the hall. “What’s going on?” she demanded, “I saw your reaction when you heard that voice.” “It was Dottie” Joe whispered.

 

4

“Should I be worried about you?” Johnson asked while looking at the road in front of them. Joe was driving, heading back to the Café to get some lunch before connecting with that field agent at the station. Trees and traffic, that’s all Johnson saw, her mind wondering what was going on. She thought, we had a murder of a waitress, apparently Joe knew the victim in some other way than as a waitress, and the victim had called the FBI without calling Joe, or had she?  And there was the mystery watch with the hidden address. It seemed to Johnson “Agent Gloria” also knew the victim, well enough to have called her for help. Johnson wondered what all of this meant.

“I asked you a question!” Johnson repeated, but Joe just kept his eyes on the road. “Joe!” Johnson insisted. Joe slammed on the brakes, put his light on the top of his old Studebaker then spun it around, nearly colliding with on-coming traffic. He put the pedal to the metal, forcing Johnson deep into her seat as he sped back down the road to the old house, a house as much of a mystery as anything else in the case.

“There must be something in that house!” Joe practically screamed at Johnson, “If you must know, Sheila, I’d been seeing Dottie for several weeks now.”  Johnson turned to look at Joe, “You should’ve said something” she replied, “And you called me by my first name.”

Special Agent Gloria Dumas was on her way to the county morgue. She hadn’t told Joe that when she talked to her office, they had identified the caller as Erika Streeter, whose family had been killed by what they suspected was an unidentified female serial killer. Streeter was at work when a woman slipped into her home and stabbed to death her two kids. There didn’t seem to be a motive except the sheer desire to kill. There had been several other such killings in Pennsy and Jersey which is why the FBI was involved.

“So, what have you found?” Gloria asked Dr Trish who was standing over the victim’s body. “There was some blood under her fingernail we sent off to the lab. One thing is for sure, she fought hard. There should be some scratching on the perp” Trish replied. “Anything else?” Gloria asked. “Yes. The bruising on her ankles. Weird. There were abrasions on her back, shoulders and buttocks suggesting she had been dragged, but there were no drag marks on the ground nearby.  We took some samples of the debris we found.  We’ll see” Dr Trish added, then pulled the cover back up over the body. “So, if there’s nothing else, I need to get back to work” abruptly ending her conversation with the Agent.

Gloria returned to her car. She felt like an outsider for some reason. She didn’t particularly like that detective and his partner. She felt he was hiding something. She decided to take another look at that house, but as she drove up, once again she found that old car of the detective’s in the driveway. “Damn!” she muttered aloud getting out of her car.

 Johnson had taken the upstairs, while Joe took the basement. Both searching for something, anything that would give them the clue Dottie wanted them to find. The trouble was they had no idea what they were looking for.  Johnson carefully checked each of the four upstairs rooms, three bedrooms and a three quarters bath, several empty closets, chests of drawers, and so on. Nothing,  Frustrated, she laid back down on one of the beds.

Joe was meticulous. The basement, he thought, would be an excellent hiding place for something. It was dark, moldy, and dirty. Three naked lightbulbs hung like lonely sentinels to a past long forgotten and neglected. Their light was barely adequate to be able to see, but he looked in every corner, up at the floorboards, on old shelves, empty and quite dirty. He even patted down the walls made of concrete block. Nothing.  Just then he heard Johnson yell out for him to come upstairs.

“Joe! You gotta see this!” she nearly screamed. Nearly running up the stairs, Joe found Johnson in one of the bedrooms, still lying flat on her back on the bed. “What?” an out of breath Joe got out. “Look!” she said, pointing to a chandelier above the bed. Joe looked up and saw six little packages wrapped in white cloth.

His stare was interrupted by Gloria who heard the commotion as she entered the house, “What’s going on?” she asked in a matter-of-fact way, then followed Joe’s outstretched finger. “Ahhh, what have we here?” she whispered. Joe was about to climb up on the bed to reach for the packages, but Gloria stopped him.  I need to call the field office here and have them send out a team. This whole place may be a crime scene. I’ll have to ask you both to leave. “What!” Joe actually raised his voice, “You gotta be fucking kidding! This is our murder investigation…” Gloria interrupted, but we are investigating a multistate serial killer, and that trumps your murder, even though they may well be connected. In fact, because they are likely to be connected.”

Joe and Johnson left the house but were both pissed off. “I found those bags!” Johnson complained.” “Yes, and it was Dottie who led us to the house first!” Joe added. “God damned Feds!” both said almost in unison. At that, they laughed a bit as Joe started his old Studebaker. By now it was getting close to dinner time, and they realized they hadn’t had lunch. “Let’s drop by the café, wash-up a bit and grab some dinner” Joe said.

When they got there it was dusk and the sky was a beautiful golden red. Johnson stood for a minute after they arrived and just looked at the sky. Joe walked around the car and they both leaned against it staring out over the town. The café was on a hill rise and there was nothing getting in the way of the view. “It’s beautiful” Johnson whispered, not really at Joe, but more to herself. “Yes, it is” was all Joe could get out. Then, turning to Sheila, he said, “Thank you” and walked away.

5

They sat in Joe’s usual place, a corner table, Joe at the back so he had his six covered and he could see the entire restaurant’s seats and the exits. Wherever he went this was how he sat. An old habit. Johnson sat on his right. The café was filling up and there were three waitresses hard at work taking orders, serving food and busing the tables. Johnson looked over the menu, while Joe scanned the place; he knew the menu inside and out.

“What can I getcha? Betty asked. Joe thought she seemed nervous, but then thought maybe she was just way too busy. “How about that grilled cheese sandwich and coffee” Johnson asked. “I’ll have your chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes. Coffee too” Joe ordered. “Sounds good, be right back with your coffee” she said more to Joe than the table. Betty hurried off.

“I think something’s up with her” Joe said to Johnson. “Yeah, she did seem a little anxious.” “You think it had something to do with Dottie?” Johnson asked. “I don’t know, what do you think?” Joe asked. “It might be, but the place is pretty full and she’s…” “Here ya are doll” Betty said, interrupting Johnson and putting their coffees down on the table. “Have you noticed how she just talks to you, Joe?” Johnson asked.  “What, you think she ignores you?” Joe replied with a smirk. “No, seriously, I think she’s worried about something” Johnson intimated. “You know, I’m beginning to like you Sheila!” Joe said directly to Johnson. “That’s the third time, I think” Johnson muttered. “Third time what?” Joe asked. “You called me by my first name” Sheila replied.  Betty approached and the two stopped talking.

“Here ya go!” Betty said as she placed the plates on the table. Joe noticed Johnson watched Betty as she served the food and then quickly looked up at him. Betty just stood there next to Joe in spite of the fact the place was busy. Joe looked at her as if to ask a question, but then Betty asked, “So, Joe, what’s happening in your investigation? Got any suspects?” “Nah!” Joe quickly replied. Both Betty and Johnson noticed his answer was just a little bit too quick and with a sharp tone, showing there was more to it than just ‘nah!’ “Ok,” Betty hurriedly said and turned quickly to walk away. “What was that about?” Johnson asked. “Don’t worry about it” Joe replied putting his face down toward his plate as he started eating, “Eat up.”

“When Betty was dropping the plates down, You stared at Betty then turned away, What’s up?” Joe asked Johnson as they sipped the last of their coffee. “Well, did you see…” “More coffee?” Betty, who seemed to suddenly appear, asked?” “Sure,” Joe said. “Me too” Johnson added. “I think I’m going to grab a smoke, ok?” Joe asked Johnson. “Sure, no problem” Johnson replied as Joe was already heading out back through the kitchen.

At the ME’s office, Gloria was just getting off the phone with her field office, “Really…” “I have something for you,” Dr. Trish said, interrupting Gloria’s call.  “Wait one!” Gloria said sternly, going back to her call, “Do me a favor, check to see who owns that house and get back to me ASAP.” Gloria then turned her attention to Dr. Trish. “Well, I have the DNA results, but there’s no match in our system” Dr Trish told her. “Damn! Send it to us, and we’ll see if it’s in the databases we have. Anything else?” Yes!” Dr Trish said with a degree of excitement she rarely shows. But Gloria’s phone rand again, “I see, Ok, thanks” she said as she hung up. “What’s that?” Gloria asked. Dr. Trish went on, “You know that material we dig out of the victim’s back?” “Yeah, I remember, what about it?” Gloria insisted. “Well, it’s consistent with grease, the kind used in restaurants.” Gloria stood up, “Shit! Do you know where that detective is, Joe?”  “No, but knowing him and the time, probably at the Eat More Café.” “Crap,” Gloria said as she pulled out her cell again, placing a call on her way to her car.

Joe just put a cigarette in his mouth to light when his cell rang, “This is Detective Montana. Oh?  Really? Damn. Thanks.” Just as he hung up, Betty came out to join him, “not as busy now, the rush is over” she said as she sat down on the other of the two stools outside the kitchen door. Joe lit his cigarette as did Betty, then Joe noticed something in the gravelly mix on the ground. It was a gold glimmer in the back door light.  “Who was that calling, Joe?” “Nobody special” Joe replied. “You wouldn’t lie to me, would you Joe?” Betty asked with considerable tension in her voice. Joe shifted his weight on the stool, putting his hand on his weapon. “What are you doing Joe?” Betty said quietly, almost in a seething like a whisper.

Joe began to pull out his gun when Betty jumped at him with a kitchen blade she had hid behind her. In a expert-like sweep, she cut his pistol arm and the gun fell to the ground. He managed to parry her thrust and as he did, he heard a shot. Betty dropped to the ground, a bullet through the center of her head. Joe looked over and there was Officer Johnson, pistol in hand. Just then Gloria came out through the kitchen door, also pistol in hand. “Damn, what a mess!” she exclaimed. Noticing Joe’s bleeding arm, she grabbed one of the towels that were drying and put pressure on the wound. “Call for an ambulance!” she yelled at Johnson, but Johnson seemed to be in shock. “Officer Johnson!” Gloria screamed, “Call an ambulance!”  Johnson woke with a startle, took out her police radio, “Officer down, shots fired, roll back-up and an ambulance to the rear of the Eat More Café!” she yelled.

By then a crowd had appeared. Gloria instructed Johnson to push back the crowd to make room for the EMT’s. She did. Then she heard Gloria tell Joe the house belonged to Betty and they found the DNA both on the victim and in the small bags of trophies, which were children’s small toys, The DNA were a match. Joe looked under Gloria’s arm which was holding up Joe’s wounded arm and told her to quickly look in that direction. She lowered his arm and looked over on the ground. Without picking it up, Gloria saw it was a gold wedding ring. It would seem the pieces were falling together, a great relief to Gloria who had been dealing with this killer for some very long time.

The EMTs arrived with officers from the station, Johnson could finally get back to Joe. She met him as he was being rolled into the back of the ambulance, much to his dislike. “Ahh, shut up Detective!” she said quietly. “Thanks, partner,” he replied. “I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner!” she said shakily. “Never too late” he replied.

 

END

 

 

Monday, June 27, 2022

Who Owns Our Bodies?

 Dear Readers,


For the record, I oppose abortion as a general rule since I support life. I also support the sanctity of privacy, freedom of choice, and a society where government has no business in our bedroom. I this regard, then, I support freedom of choice when it involves itself in our lives.  We do not criminally charge those who attempt suicide, nor do we issue Social Security and Medicaid cards to those not yet born.  So, I wonder of what use is a birth certificate?  Why not issue an embryo certificate instead?


Just a thought.

Daiho

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Transparency

There are a few things a Zen priest or teacher ought not do besides the obvious, violating his/her vows, and one of them is hiding behavior.  It's akin to acts of omission, which is to say, lying by not telling the truth when not asked.  I have always believed in transparency. As a priest and Zen teacher believe I have an obligation to be as "up-front" with the public, and in particular, my students and readers, as possible and appropriate.  

As I write this, I worry how it will be read and what the consequences may be for sharing such intimate details about my life choices over the last year. But it will be what it will be.  As Vonnegut used to say, "So it goes."

For the last couple of decades, I have taken a drug called "Mirapex."  It is used to quell leg spasms and restless leg syndrome (RLS). Unfortunately for me, the drug has some rather toxic, if not malicious, side effects I was not made aware of which have deeply disturbed me, my wifem students, and now you, dear readers. There are several challenging side effects, but most relevant are two: a lowering of impulse control and an increase of addictive behaviors; frankly, a match made in hell. 

By writing about this drug, I am in no way excusing my behavior, but offering an explanation for it, as well as a warning to anyone reading this to stay away from Mirapex. It is a dangerous drug and studies have shown it has caused many people to lose their homes, end their marriages, and otherwise rain down hell upon users.

So, I have deleted my Facebook account and no longer engage in online sexual conduct or discussion. I used to sign on to sex sites, meet women, spend money, etc. Ashamed and depressed, I take up the Way. As this day closes, another opens.  May it be filled with the light of day.



edit 

 




Recluse

Readers,


Recently I've taken to being far more reclusive than ever before. I'm no longer on Facebook or other social media, do not keep my device glued to my hip, and am generally not particularly responsive to inquiries. I have found this new position to be quite liberating, although somewhat frustrating as a writer. Writers need readers, you know?


Anyway, the Zen of it is this: practice is key, not an audience. One teaches through one's life, not one's written word. 


So, when the bell is invited to ring, sit. Or practice kinhin. Or practice oryoki. Or practice samu. 


There is nothing more.


Be well.

Schedule

 June 15, 2022


Public Schedule:


Sunday at 10:00 AM Zen Service with Dharma Talk

Wednesday Evening at 6:00 PM Zen Study

All times Mountain Time

On Zoom. If interested, send an email to me at daihoroshi@gmail.com

Sunday, March 6, 2022

ANNOUNCEMENT

 

ANNOUNCEMENT

 

Dear Zenster:

I am pleased to offer a six week course on our Order’s “Shingi: Standards for the Order of Clear Mind Zen.” We will address all aspects of the Order’s procedures, ceremonies, and practices. The Shingi is the result of twenty years of study and practice within the Order. We are currently in the process of revising the current edition. All members of the class will be expected to have a copy, study it, and as we go through it, make editorial comments and edits. At the conclusion, members of the class will be recognized as contributors to the revised edition and will be included in the Shingi’s next printing. Please consider joining me as we explore and improve our Order.

Fee: $60.00

Materials: “Shingi: Standards for the Order of Clear Mind Zen: by Harvey Daiho Hilbert, available on Amazon.com

Please register with me directly via email: daihoroshi@gmail.com

WE WILL BEGIN ON MARCH 24 AT SIX PM 

Thank you!

 

Sunday, February 13, 2022

Creation

Creation



 On the evening

Of the first day

I created myself.


"Self," I said, "Go

Forthwith

Take control

Of yourself


Name yourself

And all living

Things:


Be Kind\

Be Gentle

And Love

Your world."


All these things

I said to myself

And then went

On my way.


Daiho

2/13/2022

Saturday, February 12, 2022

This Evening

This Evening 


On this evening

When the clock  

Strikes twelve

I will have lived

Three quarters of a century:

I haven't learned much.


daiho

2/12/22

The Crack

 The crack

Is is all too  often

Hidden

Somewhere

Behind this or that'

We can't find it

Or don't even know

Enough to look.

So we live out our lives

In darkness

Until something happens...

A door closes

A window opens

And the light gets in.


daiho

2/12/22



Morning

 With palms together, 

Sitting outside, it is 33 degrees. The fresh air is brisk to say the least. Zazen out of doors is nothing special really, the Buddha did it all of his life. Yet we westerners rarely take the Buddha’s way. I’ve heard students say it is uncomfortable, as if comfort is important to the practice. It is not. 


What’s important to the practice is the practice itself regardless of conditions. Sit like a mountain: all ancestors have taught this. Even if, as in my case, the mountain itself is unstable. Easy?  No. Necessary? Yes. To be a buddha, is to be a buddha in all directions and in all times.


Gassho 

Thursday, February 10, 2022

Resignation

 With palms together, hello all,


NixI have resigned my position as abbot of the Order of Clear Mind Zen. I no longer teach individual students for the Order. I am available for public lectures, training and that sort of thing. Details to follow. 

Wednesday, January 12, 2022

Changes in the Order of Clear Mind Zen

 With palms together,


Recently I decided, rather abruptly, to resign my teaching position at the Order. Our new Head Teacher is Rev Marshall Daishin Tucker. I will not go into the particulars but suffice it to say my energy reserves are just not up to it. So, I will contain myself to teaching via this blog and other venues such as public lectures, radio interviews and the like.


With this I will remain Abbot of the Order and work with our Executive Committee to take us into this new year. We are meeting this morning to discuss possibilities and forge a direction. My sense is we have two major tasks: first, develop our organizational structure and second, work to build our membership. To support that last goal, I am suggesting we develop a membership application, policies regarding membership, and assign a membership director.


I will keep you posted as things unfold.


Be well, y'all

Daiho

Friday, August 13, 2021

The Streetcorner Hunger Project

 With Palms Together,

Student Shinrai has been purchasing and distributing bags of food for homeless persons on the street corners of Las Cruces for years. Recently the Order of Clear Mind Zen has decided to make this one of our Engaged Practices. We are calling it "The Streetcorner Hunger Project." This morning we distributed about twenty bags of food to homeless folk on street corners. If anyone would like to donate to this continuing project, please do so through our PayPal button on our website at www.clearmindzen.com.
Chris Gasco

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Merit

 Merit.

A funny thing happened to America recently. We have shifted direction on our moral compass. We were once a nation that held hard work and the strength of character and will to be considered ideals. We believed in merit, that one should be rewarded for one’s hard work and accomplishment, that people should rise in authority and responsibility based on that merit.
These ideals are being challenged. Merit itself is in question. People sometimes now hold that race, gender, and sheer luck have more to do with gain and social success than merit or anything else. And perhaps they do.
The notion that we are a nation of White male privilege and that the game is rigged from the start has seemingly gained ascendency. The notion of merit, then, simply has no place and may even be dangerous according to a price out of Princeton University. There is little to deny this supposition. Racism exists. Sexism exists. And those of the right color and gender do seem to get the breaks.
However, there is more to merit than business, social, or personal outcome. Merit is a consequence of effort, skill, creativity, and determination. To develop these qualities, I assert, is far more important than the external outcome of their application. They give rise to a sense of competence, personal value, and integrity. In short, they develop moral character.
The effort to attack merit as somehow racist or sexist leaves us believing we really need not work hard, study hard, or be creative in our approach to personal success. So, what are we left with? We shift the blame for our economic and social failures on those with priveledge. We do not feel the need to examine our own role in outcomes. It’s easy. Didn’t get the job or promotion? Blame the social structure. Why, I ask, try?
Again, simple: self respect. Belief in oneself. Gutsiness.
In a world of constant social and moral change, would it not be helpful to each of us to know we are capable in spite of whether or not we are rewarded? In truth, I don’t know, but I believe so.
Yours,

Sunday, May 9, 2021

Intent and Critical Theory

 With palms together,

The Buddha Way teaches there are Three Poisons: Greed, Hatred, and Delusion and we address these with the Three Antidotes: Generosity, Love, and Wisdom.
Today I’d like to address an issue with one of the aspects of Critical Theory, derived from Postmodernism, and an underlying theoretical foundation of Critical Role Theory, as well as the Cancel Culture and Political Correctness movements. One of the core assumptions of the theory is this: “Language operates hierarchically through binaries, always placing one element above another...” and in discourse, “the speaker’s meaning has no more authority than the hearer’s interpretation and thus intention cannot outweigh impact.” In other words, the author’s “intentions are irrelevant” even when known. (Cynical Theories, Pluckrose, H and Lindsay, J., 2020 P.40).
Felt injuries of racism, sexism, ageism, and other prejudices often cause us to want to defend ourselves, counter attack, or otherwise be “made whole” through the courts. We may want to “cancel” the perpetrator of our felt injury, seek some form of restorative justice or some other compensation. Our subjective interpretation of the experience and its consequent pain and suffering may be tangible and visceral. . There is no question as to the painful effects of prejudice: economic. academic, psychological, etc.
The movements I refer to above are attempts to correct centuries of oppression. Members and advocates believe prejudice is structural to society and there is truth in this observation. That truth needs addressing, to be sure, yet, there are aspects to the way these movements attempt to address it that are, in my opinion, problematic. First, and perhaps foremost, are its broadly generalized assumptions. While racism and other prejudices, may be structural, it does not mean every person within a group of those identified as oppressive, are oppressive, racist or sexist. To claim the alternative is true is, itself prejudiced against individuals. Second, a vindictive approach to oppressors is hardly effective, it simply succeeds in making those identified more resistant and demands they entrench themselves even more deeply into their prejudicial state. Finally, such an approach is harmful to the oppressed as it disallows any real recovery from victimhood.
For Zen Buddhist and others, especially those in recovery, it is important to keep in mind (and heart), the power of forgiveness, Forgiveness of the effects of prejudicial acts against us requires a willingness to accept or understand the intent of the offender. Was the offense intended? Where was his or her mind? What was in his heart?
To suggest such questions are meaningless is to denigrate our humanity and place us in the same camp as the oppressor: prejudiced and wielding that prejudice with the power to harm. From a Buddhist point of view, karmic consequence follows intent, so intent is critical in understanding and we need understanding to more correctly address the situation. Buddha diagnosed and his treatment followed his diagnosis. To arrive at a functional and comprehensive diagnosis we must be comprehensive in our exploration and fact gathering. What good is a diagnosis that comes from missing data?
What Critical Theory and its Social Justice Warriors seem to refuse to do is look deeply with a willingness to examine intent, since intent is already assumed to be that of power and dominance. And if it weren’t? No matter, the effect of the words or actions is far more important, they say. The net effect of this is a never-ending conflict between binaries with little hope for conflict resolution, save to say the subjugation of the “other.”

Thursday, April 29, 2021

A Place of Neither Hot or Cold

 With palms together,

A cold and rainy morning greets us in southern New Mexico. I am reminded of the koan where the student complains to the Master about heat and cold and the Master replies, to paraphrase, "Go to the place where there is neither hot or cold."

Where is that place? I wonder as I sit outside with the cold and rain. Hot and cold are simply words we apply to a feeling, rather, a sensory perception, and as such gives rise to thoughts and feelings. Isn't our brain a wonderful thing?

Sometimes.

It can warn us, bring us pleasure, pain, joy and sorrow. It is hard-wired to do so. As Zen practitioners it is up to us how we respond to its messages. We can complain, as did the student, we can deny the messages, and we can accept the messages for what they are: just thoughts. It is our relationship to our brain's messages that is so important: accept, deny, cope, or deal. The choice is ours and it is that place we should go.

The place of release, rather than mastery. As Master Uchiyama taught, we are to "open the hand of thought." Grasping is like tightening the bonds that hold us captive, recognizing we are our own jailers and practicing to release ourselves from our self created bonds is the way.

How? Releasing our thoughts is to let go of our thoughts, to let go of our thoughts is to settle into our bodies, turning our attention to what may be our three freedoms: posture, breath, and mind. And to do this, we simply stop: sit upright, breathe, and release the chain of thought.

Of course there is another answer to the question of hot and cold: cover or uncover our bodies as the temperatures require :)

Gassho

Be well.

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Zen Peacemakers International

 With palms together,


I am pleased to announce that we are now an affiliate of Zen Peacemakers International.  This is a remarkable international organization dedicated to engaged practice around the world. 


On Facebook: Zen Peacemakers | Facebook


On the web:  Zen Peacemakers International


Please click on these and take a look.



Yours in the Dharma

Daiho 

Friday, April 23, 2021

Troublesome

With Palms Together,


Troublesome thoughts: opinion is not fact. Feelings are not fact. Thoughts are not fact. Yet most of us, i believe, consider our subjective perceptions, thoughts and feelings, to be fact, fact that we act upon.

In the first three months of this year 213 civilians were shot by police. Given our perception of police engagements with Blacks, how many of those shot were Black? Answer: 30. Frankly, I would have guest a number higher than 50% and I would have been wrong.
There is, however, no question that Black lives taken by police, over a year, are disproportionately higher than those of Whites. A simple answer used by many is that this is a result of systematic racism among police agencies and as such represents a form of White supremacy. I am not so sure.
There are a lot of factors that play into this picture. Crime rates in Black communities, poverty, Black on Black violence, to name a few.
Recently, I’ve begun a study of Critical Race Theory, trying to understand the principles and motives that support it, and come to some terms with my own prejudices. The theory asserts that our entire nation is racist and even gains made through civil rights legislation are more about White advantage than Black civil rights. “Whiteness” is understood as property and liberalism is essentially racist.
I admit I struggle with this theoretical position. It ignores nuanced differences between bias and prejudice, for instance. It begins with an essentially racist belief that all Whites are racist and then seeks to establish this as the underlying truth of the theory.
Thus far in my research, it seems to fail to address the existential responsibility of individuals to achieve, choosing instead to blame “Whiteness” for the failure of Black communities to succeed.
CRT uses subjective narrative to support its claims. Personal stories of racist encounters with Whites reinforce the theory. Yet, I would hope we might know that anecdotal evidence is highly subjective and often is self-serving.
There is no doubt in my mind that racism exists in America and elsewhere in the world. It exists within all races and ethnic groups, Black, White, Asian, Native American. I believe it is important, essential, to recognize our own prejudices and biases, and work to extinguish them. But I don’t believe one racist point of view cancels another either. It is critically important that we each examine our own lives, the choices we make, the values we hold, and how we comport ourselves. Black Lives Matter and how we understand this, as Whites and Blacks, is critically important. In my opinion it is not helpful to use one racial stereotype to confront another.
May we each find a way to live in harmony.

ADDENDUM:

An addendum:
What are the limits to our responsibility, both personal and collective for our parents and parents parents behavior? Do we or should we, bear personal or collective responsibility for past generations?
I believe our personal responsibility begins with our own attitudes and behavior, but also how we deal with our parent’s attitudes and behaviors. While we can say our parents helped shape us, that shape is our responsibility.
My mother was prejudiced against Cubans as we lived through the Cuban mass immigration. As I had Cuban friends and neighbors, I knew them differently from my mother and rejected her prejudice. I think my early exposure and reaction to overt racism and prejudice allowed me to work hard to free myself from it: a lifelong process.
Prejudice and hate literally make me sick, I feel it viscerally. I confront anti-semitism, racial hatred, sexism, and any other form of prejudice as directly as I am able, including that which I may uncover in myself. I believe this is our responsibility to do.
I do not believe I am responsible for my ancestor’s behavior, but do believe I hold some responsibility in addressing its consequence. Why? Because I am a citizen and member of a diverse society. How is it not my responsibility to make our world a better place?

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Rohatsu

 With palms together,

Today, December 8th, is the day in history Siddhartha became the Buddha, the Enlightened One. We call it Rohatsu, "the eighth day of the twelfth month." It is said, after practicing zazen under a tree, on the eighth morning he looked up and saw the morning star and in that instant became fully awake: "Anutarra Samyak Sambodhi" complete unexcelled awakening.


He saw all things in the entire universe were one, as Master Dogen Zenji puts it, "one bright pearl." He saw that time and space were one so he saw the past and future in the same moment. These realizations were 'deeply profound and minutely subtle.' Getting up from his seat he believed it would be impossible to teach such things. No one would understand him.

Yet, as he walked away from the tree and met some former friends, they noticed something had changed in him. These friends were seekers of the way, as well, and wanted to learn. They convinced him to teach and so he did with his first teaching being the Four Noble Truths; life is suffering because we are attached to things, there is a way to end this suffering and the way is the eightfold noble path, a "middle" way," a way between extremes.

Today, it seems to me, we all might accept this truth: extremes of any sort are problematic, if not destructive. Releasing ourselves from being overly invested in things, realizing we are all together living on the same planet, breathing the same air, may be our way of growing closer together, uniting as one family, to become more caring and compassionate.

Winter has always been a time when the light is low and we look to renew ourselves by bringing the light of hop into our world. Lets all do that this month and maybe, just maybe, the darkness eclipsing our societal sun will be lifted.

Gassho

Monday, December 7, 2020

Sitting under the Stars

 With palms together,


At nearly 3:00 in the morning of December 7th I have been practicing zazen on my patio bench, having listened to the sounds of my little waterfall and witnessed the heavens in that clear southwestern sky. It is a wonderful thing, this practice.
Our world is so infinite and yet as close as the next breath. I wish more of us would take on such a practice. Perhaps then we might find our way to a state of deep serenity. As the gatha teaches, “the Dharma is incomparably profound and minutely subtle. We can now see it, hear it, and hold it. May we realize the Tatagathas true meaning.”
Sitting under the stars in the early morning hours is a true gift. I accept it with deep and abiding gratitude.
Gassho