Just Another Day

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

This morning I slipped out of bed a little early to get a head start on the dishes. My Little Honey co-hosted the Oneg at the synagogue last night. She had spent the day in the kitchen making kugel and deviled eggs, cutting cheese into cubes and so on. There were a few things piled up in the sink. I made coffee, washed the pots and pans that would not fit into the dishwasher (those are amazing devices...we don't have one at the Refuge), and did my morning Zazen.

My Little Honey has just emerged from her sleep. I hear her yawning in the living room as she sips coffee and leaves me to this task.

I am remembering times in our earlier married life when I would resent her sleeping in, then sipping coffee as I "worked" to "clean up her mess."

These are the themes of wounded children. Children who never seemed to get the sort of love or acceptance they needed and then as adults seek it with a vengeance. Its that old hurt puppy syndrome of sorts.

There are moments when these feelings emerge today, but they are much less a roar than a whimper and I often see them for what they are, my emotional garbage, not hers.

What is this that has happened and what was its cause?

Who knows. A million things. Time has passed. Meditation has occur ed. Therapy. Hours of conversation and argument. Tenacity. A deep love for each other and commitment to stay in the boat together. Children now grown and having their own children. Lots of things. And none of them are discreet and separate from the other. Life is not like that. Life is a mess and you deal with it.

Today should be a day of peace, joy, and loving-kindness and so it will be. But then, the next step, make this day a model for all others.

Be well.