On Being a Duck and Other Matters of Consequence

With palms together,
Good Afternoon All,

There are always moments when we are not ourselves. Lately, I have been experiencing many such moments. My practice is good and it is steady. Still, the ordinary breeze that provides movement for my life has sometimes become a tornado.

Recently we have decided to sell our mountain Refuge. We have talked about moving to Memphis. Lots of serious and radical changes seem to be setting off cascades of feelings. Uncertainty, loss, all those yucky sorts of things burble around.

During such times I sense it is important to be many things at once: open, calm, flexible, and yet centered. Of course this isn't always possible and sometimes I feel somewhat hypocritical when I flame up and get angry, sullen or withdrawn.

I think, "I should be able to handle this!" All the while festering inside, my duck rocking around on choppy seas.

In this stage of my life it is so important that I have family: my wife, my children and grandchildren. I need a home. Yet life isn't really like that, is it? Life is fluid. Evolving, undulating, washing up here, fading out there. What's a good duck to do?

We could say, "float". And I suppose this is the best answer, yet it clearly is lacking, since direction always seems important. Even old Zen Masters like Dogen suggest this. In his Tenzo Kyokun, he says we should prepare tomorrow's meal this evening, but while doing so, we should be completely present.

So, here it is. I have no idea. My present is, my tomorrow may be something else again. Uncertainty seems to be my foundation.

All we can do is the best we can in each moment we are awake.

Be well.