Our Hurt

With palms together,

Good Morning All,

So many of you have written to ask how we can forgive and move on! It makes me think that perhaps we are taking ourselves way too seriously. People are people, we each seem to live in our own world made of our own thought and feelings, yet we somehow expect others to not only understand us, but perceive within our worldview. This is like asking two hurt puppies to nurture each other.

Will addressing the person who has hurt us make it better? Sometimes. It is doubtful. Only if we possess extraordinary listening skills would this be advised, in my opinion. Getting something "off our chest" is too often for our benefit, yet we go around rationalizing that it is for the benefit of the other. In fact, it actually amounts to 'dumping' our load on someone else's shoulders.

If someone has hurt us, perhaps we should look deeply into the hurt. Often hurtness is more about our expectation of another's behavior than anything else. We expect a sister in law to behave a certain way, or a boyfriend or a girlfriend to love us in a way we believe they should, but then they behave in a way we either don't understand or cannot accept. We see this as an affront to ourselves, sometimes to our values, but most often to our expectations for their behavior.

Ooops, there goes that self-righteous ball a-rolling!

What to do? The hardest work of all: nothing. Sit still and let the universe take care of itself. Hurt only remains with us if we keep picking at it. A daily practice of zazen along with on-going mindfulness practice can be of great benefit with this.

This is very hard work. It requires something of us: that we sit on our hands (to use on old chess training method) and not snap off moves so quickly. Easy? Hardly. I have been at this a very long time and I still knee-jerk with my mouth on far too many occasions. Still, I am aware immediately as I am doing this. And in that awareness is often the desire to be still and not react. Our practice makes it possible to be present without being so swept away by the floods of feelings and thoughts. And on those increasingly rare times when we are swept away by our anger or hurt, we are able to pull ourselves out more quickly, on the one hand, and experience the suffering we have caused, on the other. These then, become opportunities for personal and social growth.

Now, to take my own advice.

Be well.

Forgiveness

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

A friend asked me about forgiveness. I thought it would be nice to say a few things about it. Yet, this thing we call forgiveness is very tricky as it points to the fact that we, ourselves, are holding on to some pain inflicted on us by another. This causes us to suffer. Sometimes the person we wish to forgive hasn't a clue the he has hurt us in the first place.

So, at first blush, we might think that forgiveness is about absolving someone else and letting them off the hook, in truth it is we who are hooked by our anger and hurt. This is one of those curious little scenarios in life that can actually demonstrate to us just how deeply interconnected (and often clueless) we are.

It is that very interconnectedness that makes forgiveness truly possible. And our cluelessness that makes it possible for us to suffer for so long. When we think of how another person hurt us, then look inside and see how we are being just as hurtful against ourselves, we can see our humanity. Each glimpse into our human condition provides us an opportunity to learn. ..and change, or rather, transform.

The first step in forgiveness, then, is to forgive ourselves for carrying such pain and hurt with us for so long. We may not be ready to do this. The pain of an experience may be very important to us. Sometimes this pain is a marker of our prior state, say our innocence, then we are victimized and our pain recalls not only the victimization, but our state prior to our victimization, as well. We blame the perpetrator for both our victimization and the loss of our identity as an ordinary person. Who really wants to confront change so directly?

So, we desperately hold on to what we thought we were, knowing we are not, and feel great anger toward the person who made all this happen. It is now we who are victimizing ourselves.

When we have had enough of this, we will stop. We stop when we discover that we have worth beyond an experience somewhere in the past. We stop when we realize our present is our choice and our responsibility. We stop when we realize it does no good to continue holding on.

This is a liberating moment.

Be well.

.

Foundation

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

Those here seeking wisdom and knowledge are welcome, however, it is important to orient yourself to how this process is understood in Zen Buddhism. Wisdom and knowledge are often thought to be something that exist outside of us, that can be imparted by one person to another. That is a dualistic notion and is incorrect.

Wisdom and knowledge are innate: we all possess them. We practice to see what is already there within us and before us. We practice to eliminate the proscenium that separates the actor from the universe.

So, if you are seeking something from me or others, stop. Seek it from yourself. How? Create a time each day to practice zazen. Practicing zazen regularly is a gate to understanding and realization. Let nothing get in the way of this regular practice. It becomes your spiritual foundation, literally.

Then post your experience. Posting is a process of self examination and awareness. I ask replies be explorations rather than fingers pointing to supposed errors.

Best wishes,

Be well.

Careful!

for Joshua

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

In Zen we practice to see our True Nature. Be careful!

Our True Nature
is the Universe
and the Universe
has nothing
to stand upon.

So, what happens when we confront our Self? See our impermanence, our absolute emptiness? Maybe we say "Eureka!" I think not.

Most ordinary human beings, those Dogen calls mortals, require something to stand on. they require a reference point, something to define themselves against: like form and space in a painting. But with our True Nature, we see these are ever in motion, nothing substantial, everything like the clouds in the sky.

Seeing our True Nature, we step into the world of the Buddhas: immortal where each breath is a manifest opportunity, each touch, the creation of kindness and compassion, each step a walk into infinity.

Be well.


Kindness requires patience. Patience requires generosity. Open your heart to yourself and embrace the universe.

Where's the Beef?

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

As we awaken we say, "This morning I vow with all beings to see the world clearly as it is and to end violence and bring compassion to all beings." In the evening we say, "This evening, as I go to sleep, may all beings rest and be renewed through peace and love."

In this way we open and close our day by placing our attention on our true purpose in life, to nurture and support all beings. It is not that we are instruments of these things, rather, we are these things. Being the instrument of something creates a separation between the thing and the tool, as if they were not exactly the same. Being an instrument of compassion is not the same as being compassion.

We each have work to do through each day for the rest of our lives. The paycheck of this work is immediate. When we open our eyes, there it is. Both work and reward are the exact same thing: a manifestation of our true nature.

Be well.

As zero and one do their dance, infinity happens.

The Silence of the Lion

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

The day is unfolding slowly, as Saturdays do. There are clouds in the sky and the air is cool. I am parked under a down comforter with Tripper at my side. My Little Honey is talking to our daughter and getting ready to leave for Knitters Guild. I will be alone with the furboys for the morning.

Whatever will I do?

Setting aside the obvious dog walking, breakfast eating, meditation, and writing, nothing special. This is as it should be. Life lived as one page to the next where our focus is on the page we are reading is best. Other pages are what they are and will turn as they may, but this very page is us.

Pete-kitty sits
like a small lion
staring at my fingers
as they press these keys.
Silence unfolds.

Be well.

Our Morning Star

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

Yes, the earth has clearly tilted. Cooler temps, snow in places, and a cloudy sky this morning. We hustle just a little more in the morning and wrap ourselves with layers of clothing. I try not to give in so much to this temptation. Cold can be refreshing. Just as heat can be soothing. Yet, too much of either and we are in trouble.

Today we should recognize the Buddha's achievement. He worked so hard for so many years only to discover in an instant that what he sought he already possessed, as do all of us. The most profound teaching, I suspect, is to stop seeking. This stopping, this deep abiding in silence with self allows for our release of self, paradoxically, and the concomitant discovery that there is no abiding self.

Let us each witness the morning star in the same way.

Be well.