Quality

With palms together,
Good Morning All,

Fall is clearly upon us in southern New Mexico. The morning air is decidedly cooler even though the late afternoon temps still reach 90. I am waiting patiently for our first real cold snap, that event that triggers leaves turning and pumpkins to be carved.

Patience has never been one of my virtues.  I have always been an intuitive person who leaps onto something and makes it happen. Lately, however, I seem to be doing much less of that, hell, much less of anything, preferring instead the comfort of sitting quietly with my Soku Shin, our dogs, and perhaps a glass of wine. Perhaps this is a result of the pain I experience daily, but I think it is more likely simple aging with a loving partner who enjoys my company.. 

We often do nothing but sit together and talk, yet we've noticed our most loving and life enhancing conversations are those we have while laying next to each other in our bed on our sides facing each other under blankets.Such intimate, softly spoken moments are delicious. They are to be savored like a fine meal with a marvelous dessert. They take time.

At this stage of my life I am much less interested in making things happen, let the young ones do that, instead, I am much more interested in the moment to moment quality of my life. That quality, of course, is always there, but it takes both patience and practice to bring it to the surface.

Yours,

Bodhisattvas

With palms together,


Good Afternoon Everyone,



An old acquaintance who once visited me at the mountain refuge wrote:

Dear Harvey,



Thought you might like some reaction to your rather down news lately. We haven't known each other much or long, but you feel like an old friend. I very much do appreciate your openness in posting about your health and relationships, and it certainly is powerful Zen teaching in showing how a person of Zen responds to challenges. You have my admiration.



At the same time, I feel sad for your sake. If only the words of Dick Fariña were true for me and you —



Well, if somehow you could pack up your sorrows,

And give them all to me.

You would lose them, I know how to use them,

Give them all to me.



But I am far from that kind of Bodhisattva as yet. This is the best I can do. Hope this helps.



____

I replied:

Dear ____, it’s not sad, really, it’s more exciting than sad although there are sad moments. I feel invigorated by the prospect of divorce and committing to my life with Kathryn, a woman who has truly been my partner over the last three years. It’s very much like a rebirth I suspect.

My physical condition is a challenge but I embrace it wholeheartedly. We should not be surprised or dismayed overmuch as our bodies begin to come apart as we age. At 65 I'm happy enough to still be alive. The pain is just another companion.

I hope you are well and happy. Thank you for writing. It is always good to hear from you.

____



My acquaintance is indeed a bodhisattva. He lives alone far away in the north east. He makes malas, very beautiful malas, and in this message helped me very much. It is in their small kindnesses and occasional acknowledgements, that bodhisattvas are found.

Be well.

Zazenkai

We will host a one day intensive meditation retreat on Saturday, October 6th at Clear Mind Zen Temple from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM.  A modest $15.00 donation is requested to cover food and supplies.  If you wish to attend, please reply to me at harveyhilbert@yahoo.com

Gassho

Transparency

With respect,

Yesterday I posted a note that included information about my personal life. A member replied saying politely that my personal life was none of his business.  Those who have been reading my posts over the last 12 years or so know that I frequently use events in my personal life as exemplars of the challenges of Zen living. While this is useful to students, I think there is another more fundamental reason for such postings. 

In the world of Zen there have been far too many examples of secrecy among teachers leading to the very real possibility of harm to their sanghas. I have always felt I should be as transparent as possible so as to avoid this. But more importantly, I see personal and professional as an artificial dualism. My life has been an open book.  Seamless, if you will.  I believe strongly in self disclosure as both a teaching tool and method of insuring authenticity.

Clearly I have made mistakes, but I see these as teaching tools both for myself and my readers. We cannot live our lives without error.  And as this is so, why not use error as a teacher rather than something to retreat from or hide?

Students should know their teachers are human beings and titles and degrees are not guarantees of infallibility.

May we each be well and make ourselves a blessing in the universe.

Schedule and Personal Note

With palms together,


Good Morning All,



This week at CMZ Temple we will practice zazen Monday through Friday at 7:00 AM and 7:00 PM. Park Practice is Wednesday at 9:00 AM. Elder Practice is at 10:30 AM on Wednesday. Zen Study Group is at 6:00 PM on Thursday. For future reference I will offer a talk on Zen Buddhism on the 27th at 10:00 AM at Morning Star United Methodist Church. We will host a Zazenkai on October 5th.



On a personal note:

In the interest of transparency, as most of you know, I am currently legally separated, not divorced, from my wife, Judy. Our separation was complete down to division of property and income, but as are all separation agreements, this was a temporary state. We were still married in the eyes of the law and this has caused a lot of stress on my relationship with Kathryn. So, on the 25th of this month Judy and I will be going through a mediation/arbitration process which will end in a divorce on that day. Our arbitration agreement is that if we cannot reach a mediated settlement, the mediator becomes an arbitrator and will issue a unilateral settlement and divorce on the same day. Shortly after that, Kathryn and I will undergo a commitment ceremony as a first step toward marriage. Judy and I have been legally separated for over two years now. It is time we finalize the complete end of our marital relationship. This has been a challenging time which will, hopefully be concluded on the 25th.



Be well,

Dana and Dues

With respect,  It is that time of the month when I ask that we practice dana paramita, the first of the six paramitas. Your generosity supports our Order and our Temple.  Please consider making an offering today.  Thank you and nine bows,

This Week

With palms together,


Good Morning Everyone,



As most of you know, I have taken up residence at our Temple for retreat. My practice schedule is Zazen M-F at 7:00 AM, 1:00 PM, and 7:00 PM, Sunday at 10:00 AM. We conduct our weekly Zen Study Group on Thursday evening at 6:00 PM. On Wednesday we do park practice at the city hall on Main Street at 9:00 AM and practice with the elders at Golden Mesa retirement community at 10:30. If you intend to practice with me during the daily morning and afternoon periods, please email or call in advance as it is possible I will have other commitments at those times.



Temple practice requires a commitment to moment to moment practice. I am alone most of the time. I often sit through the day, mixing sitting with study. Occasionally, I will sit on the stoop and just watch the sky. This morning I did that and watched the moon as it appeared behind some lovely white clouds.



I am cooking and washing dishes for one. Each time I wash the dishes I think of Master Dogen and his use of Tenzo as an exemplar of everyday practice. Cooking and washing are everyday activities, as is Zazen, watching the moon, or study. In a very real way, all activities are our Zazen practice when done in Big Mind. And when done this way, even Zazen falls away. We are simply living with our Dharma Eye open.



I hope that some of you take advantage of our practice times and visit the Zendo. In the meantime, be well.