Morning Musings

With Palms together,


Good Morning Everyone,



Morning comes in silence. As the occasional car passes, it’s like a streamer of sound, a wisp through the morning light. Even the pups remain asleep. So, why am I awake at 4:30 in the morning? Why ask why, I answer myself.

A painting is calling me to it. The courtyard seems to await my presence. The bed feels as though it is throwing me out. With all of that, I have little choice but to get up and do.

Outside, I sit quietly just being there in the cold air. My robe barely fends off the chill. Yet, the sky and ground are my home and the air, whatever its temperature, is me.

Inside, I pick up a brush, squeeze out some paint, and throw it on my canvas. It’s a painting of a fearless bodhisattva, it feels fierce to me and I’m almost afraid of it. Yet, there I am, Dharma combat, perhaps? I don’t know. And I try to remain as ignorant as possible. Knowing is a dis-ease of the mind and becomes an obstacle to seeing clearly.

Today I vow to live without violence. It’s the least I can do.



Be well

On Wind and Other Matters

With Palms together,


Good Morning Everyone,



This morning it is a little on the chilly side and I hear a breeze already kicking up. It is the “windy season” here in New Mexico which means we can expect winds of between 20 and 50 mph most days. The wind picks up sand and dust and our air becomes a challenge for breathing. I sat in the courtyard this morning, early, before the breezes came. It was quite peaceful.



Today we will bear witness for peace in the park in front of the Branigan Library next to City Hall at 4:30. Please join us if you can. Practicing meditation in the open air can be a powerfully serene experience… if the wind doesn’t get in the way! Still, the Buddha sat regardless, as did all of the ancestors, accepting what came without resistance. This is the heart of the Buddha’s teaching: remain calm even in the midst of a storm. His practice of serene reflection meditation offers us the opportunity to develop the discipline to do just that.



I’m planning a road trip to Austin on my motorcycle to visit my son and his family. I will leave Friday morning and return in time for sesshin on Wednesday. The plan is to go there and paint paintings for his new restaurant. He and his wife, Lynda, like my work and think they will be an asset to the restaurant’s environment. We’ll see. Right now I am ‘all painted out’ having done a number of paintings one after another. So, I’m taking a few days off from the easel until I get to Austin.



If you are planning to attend sesshin, please let me know ASAP as our Tenzo, Emily, will need a number in order to prepare. We will begin sitting on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM, sit again on Thursday and Friday evenings, and then begin at 7:30 am on Saturday morning. I will post the schedule in a day or two.



I look forward to hearing from you!



Be well,

Daiho

Allowing Your Mind to Rest

With Palms together,




Good Morning Everyone,







Looking at the world I do not see. To see I must quit looking. This is the Zen way. When I look for something I become attached to that thing, a thing that only resides in my mind’s eye: a thought. Becoming attached to a thought is rather like becoming attached to an ice cream on a hot summer’s day. It will soon be gone if I eat it or not.







When I see, I allow my mind a rest, so to speak. I do not give my mind a rest; I allow my mind to rest. Seeing requires not looking, not seeking, not imagining. It requires simply opening our eyes and allowing what is there come to us.







When I paint or write I am simply reflecting what is already there. It is that something that exists before during and after: it is timeless. It is something not manipulated by me. We might call it our original nature, but I can’t be certain. What I know is that when I allow my mind to rest and just express what comes up, that something which emerges is so often completely new to me. I do not try, for when I try; the work is almost always not pure. It is color or words manipulated by me to express a thought, not a reality.







Try this: just put a blank piece of paper in front of you and stare at it. Do not write or draw. Just stare at the empty page. Let your mind go; allow it to flow. Forget thinking about what you might write or draw. Allow the page to teach you. When the page begins to speak, just follow its teaching. Do not be afraid that what you put down will be “good,” “bad,” or anything else. Just let the page complete itself.







In writing we might call this “stream of consciousness.” In art, who knows? No matter what we think, it’s unimportant. What is important is that we practice allowing our mind to rest so that we can practice seeing clearly. In this practice we are able to witness our thoughts and feelings point to our fears and concerns regarding what we do. We might think, “This isn’t good.” Or we might think, “This isn’t what I wanted to express.” In such a case, look under your thoughts and examine your feelings. Begin to see how your thoughts and feelings put you in a sort of prison. Know that you are your own jailor and that you have the ability to set yourself free.







Be well.

The Moon & I

With Palms together,


Good Morning Everyone,



This morning early, say around 3:00 AM or so, I sat outside in the cold staring at the moon. During the full-moon part of the lunar cycle I enjoy establishing this union with our celestial neighbor as we reflect together on one another. The early morning is the best time for such intimacy because there are very few noises, one-to-none cars passing by, and the air is often as crisp as the sky is clear.



As the moon and I consider ourselves, our union becomes more and more intimate. We move quickly past the superficial and enter the world of “don’t know.” The moon: she is wise, she is old, and she is nearly always there. Her wisdom is reflected in her reflection of the sun’s light. Like a pool of water, she receives the light, but does not grasp it. She returns the light to the universe and I, a resident member of that universe, receive it. In my mind’s eye, I return it, not wishing to hold onto such a lovely gift. It is a free and easy play we do and I am happy to be a part of it.



Yesterday I was less than free and easy, however. I was on edge and had trouble settling my mind. We decided to go to Hobby Lobby to purchase more paints and canvases. After shopping, we went back to the car. All of a sudden someone came up behind me and said something. The man’s voice and his positioning himself behind me gave me quite a start. I turned, put up my hand in a “stop” gesture and in a very uncharacteristically aggressive voice, said, “Back off!” The man stepped backward and muttering something, walked away.



I felt terrible about this incident. It reminded me of an earlier time when, trained as a soldier and fighter, I met aggression with aggression, thoughtless and automatic. The poor man was just asking for a dollar. I spent a good deal of time considering my response. The stress of this divorce process, recovering from pain, and the death of my brother all seemed to challenge my ability to be ‘free and easy in the marketplace.’



When sitting with the moon this morning my stressed out world seemed to fall away. I was left with that union I spoke of earlier. A union not only with the moon occurred, bless her, but with the entirety of my world. Peace floated to the surface and all was right in the universe. What I’ve learned, and seem to have to re-learn each and every day, was that to find peace one must only sit down and shut up. Stillness and an open, supple mind willing to surrender becomes, like the moon, a mirror holding nothing.

Be well.

Engaged Practice and Retreat

With Palms together,


Good Morning Everyone,



Zen is much larger than a Zendo. It is life itself. We move from the wall to the open air, as the Buddha did in his lifetime. When I began this Order I envisioned it to practice in a Zendo without walls. It is certain that wall sitting is important and can be done in our own homes either alone or in small groups. Yet, the mission of Engaged Practice is to actually engage.



I will resume park and street practice shortly and offer to each of you the invitation to join me. I encourage each of you to establish an Engaged Practice in your area serving vulnerable populations, your community, or the nation at large. It’s not that difficult: the need is everywhere; in every city and town and even in rural areas. Homelessness, poverty, death and dying, and violence know no geographic limits. Please consider this.

Be well.

PS. In the meantime, as I indicated in an earlier note, I will hold a Personal Retreat beginning Thursday evening this week. Zazenkai will be on Saturday. If you would like to participate, please join me. This will be my schedule:



Roshi’s Personal Retreat Schedule: First Week of Each Month

Zazenkai Schedule, revised



Thursday Evening

07:00-8:00 PM Zazen and Closing Ceremonies



Friday and Saturday (Zazenkai)

04:30 Wake and Wash

05:00-06:30 Exercise

06:30-07:30 Breakfast

(Zazenkai begins here on Saturday)

07:30-09:00 Recite Three Refuges, Wisdom Heart Sutra, Opening Tea Service, Teisho, Zazen: Three Periods

09:00-10:00 Walk/Jog

10:00-11:00 Zazen: Two Periods

11:00-11:30 Break

12:00-01:00 Lunch (Oryoki on Saturday Zazenkai)

01:00-01:30 Zazen: One Period

01:30-02:30 Samu

02:30-03:30 Zazen: Two Periods

03:30-04:30 Writing/Study Practice

04:30-05:00 Zazen: One Period

05:00-06:00 Dinner

06:00-06:30 Samu

06:30-08:00 Zazen: Three Periods

08:00 Close, Recite the Hanya Shin Gyo, the Four Great Vows.



Sunday

04:30-05:00 Wake and Wash

05:00-5:30 Zazen: One Period

05:30-06:30 Writing Practice

06:30-07:30 Breakfast

07:30-10:00 Clean-up, Pack, Prepare Zendo

10:00-11:30 Sunday Services

Zendo Closing

With Palms together,




Good Morning Everyone,







It is with regret and deep sorrow that I announce the closing of the Clear Mind Zen Temple effective the third week of April after Hannamatsuri Sesshin. I will ask our landlord to release us from the lease (it ends anyway in August). In accordance with our by-laws, I will retain all ceremonial objects and altars. I will also retain one tan. The rest of the tans will be discarded unless anyone locally would like to have a tan. In addition, I have a number of altars and other objects made by my teacher, Rev. Hogaku McGuire. These are available to any who wish to come and retrieve them. None of his Dharma heirs have chosen to do so, so I am making them available to the public. Whatever is left after 30 days will be discarded. Please let me know if any of you want a tan or to look at what may be available to you to support your practice.







I will be in Personal Retreat at the Zendo from Thursday evening through Sunday afternoon. Remember, Zazenkai is this coming Saturday. I will post the schedule shortly.







The Order itself will continue, but not as a non-profit corporation. We will simply be a religious Order of priests and priests-in-training practicing Engaged Zen. Both Rev. Shukke Shin and I will continue to teach the students we have and will continue to accept students. Dana to teachers will be expected. Rev. Shukke Shin and I will practice out of our residence. We welcome any who wish to practice with us.







Personal note: This decision has many roots and we have been considering it for months. Over the years I have had to make up the rent and other expenses myself most months. I felt good doing that for the most part, because I had faith that eventually the Sangha would be self-supporting. This has simply not been the case. Attendance is down and remains low. In the end, however, I will say that the primary cause of my decision is the evident lack of Sangha cohesion and mutual support of each other as Sangha. We have talked about Sangha often. We take refuge in Sangha. Yet this vow must be more than words, it is action and as a Sangha, we do not act like a Sangha. This was made painfully clear to me when yesterday only Rev. Dai Shugyo, Rev. Shukke Shin and one friend were able to make themselves available to support me as we went through a memorial service for my deceased brother. Many emailed me their reasons for not attending and I understand them. Still, I am deeply hurt. I do not ask for much from members and offer myself to all those in need. It has been rare that I have not been willing and able to set aside my own needs to meet the needs of others at a moment’s notice. This is what Sangha is all about. So, quite frankly, illnesses aside, it was hurtful that Sangha members could not for one morning set their own needs aside to be in support of me during this very emotionally painful period in my life. This is all I will say on the subject.







Be well.

Sunday

With resprct,


Good Morning Everyone,



This morning at the Zendo we will renew our vows and hold a short memorial service for my brother, Douglas William Hilbert. Doug was a good man and an exceptional father. Doug married early, but due to the presses of building a business, divorced after their second child was born. Even though he was divorced, he cared for his wife when she developed cancer and died. Douglas never remarried.



He cared for our mother throughout his life. He was a Vietnam Veteran who contracted diabetes after returning from his service. As a young man he was an exceptional athlete, developed lifelong friends, built a air conditioning and refrigeration business, and still managed to have time for his children.



While I left home after the war, he remained in Miami. Doug was not an adventurer. He was a family man and lived out his obligations to his family with great care and dedication. I honor him and was pleased that we saw each other one last time last year. While the raveges of uncontrolled diabetes were clear, he still had his wonderful smile and delightful sense of humor. Doug listened, asked questions, and rarely judged others. He was a compassionate man and I loved him very much.