With palms together,
Good Morning Everyone,
Last night I decided to watch a little TV. I do not have “TV” myself, but my ex does and since I am house sitting/dog sitting, I decided to try it. Wasn’t much. Within ten or fifteen minutes, I was asleep.
When I woke up, I turned the thing off. It now sits there like a giant mouth desiring only to swallow those around it. I am glad I escaped if only through sleepiness.
After waking up, I was talking to my girlfriend (good grief, that sounds weird, do those in their sixties have girlfriends?) and I told her I felt bored. In retrospect, I think it is something else. I feel disengaged. I so easily fell asleep with the TV, and lately I find myself nodding off while practicing zazen. I have nearly zero desire to go out of the house. I pursue the causes of this with great effort.
The Sixth Patriarch says we should practice to speak what our heart/mind thinks; there should be no difference. “Don’t practice hypocrisy with your mind, while you talk about being straightforward with your mouth.” In Zen Group yesterday we talked about this and the sense arose that in order to practice in our way we must be fearless.
Is the issue ego, protection of self, or identity? We practice to let body and mind drop away, yet there is ego grasping to stay. When we move on, past self, there is no hindrance of the mind, no fear, or so teaches the Wisdom Sutra: Wonderful news for Shariputra, but another story for us mere mortals. The truth is we suffer to the extent that we hold on to our ideas about our self. So I ask, “who am I?” In a whisper, I hear, “No one.” Not very satisfying, but it will do.
Be well.
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