With palms together,
Good Morning Everyone,
This morning, the morning of our day “off,” we both woke early and slipped into the studio to paint. Painting has become both a morning and evening meditation. This morning I had one spot lit and painted nearly in the dark. Color feels rich, but muted, in the dim light, but then when day emerges, the colors tend to pop out and say, “Good Morning!”
Last night our monitor burnt out for our DVD player. I am noticing things are breaking down: car, DVD screen, me. Soku Shin and I talked quietly in the dim light as I put paint on canvas. “What is it?” she asks, indicating in no uncertain terms that she reads me like a book. I tell her I am anticipating more paralysis, more diminishment of competency. The pain in my legs is getting unbearable at times. My left arm is more and more showing the effects of my aging brain. I can no longer walk quietly. I can no longer hold my left hand out without greater weakness. The fingers do not close as they used to and my grip is poor. Shoe tying takes much more concentration and effort, as does tying my robes. I wonder how this will unfold and more, how I will deal with these losses as they begin to take more and more out of me.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with prematurely aging brain syndrome and realized I was heading toward a complete re-paralysis of my left side. At first the docs thought it was Alzheimer’s Disease and I worked out the scenario of losing my memory, thus myself. This thing is a little different and no one could tell me how it would unfold. So I am left, as we all are, knowing our capacity is diminishing, but not knowing which way it will manifest next.
Someone in Office Max yesterday noticed my foot drag and, coming up behind me, said with a smile, “I’ll race you to the front!” Funny. I smiled. She later apologized and said she hoped she didn’t “offend me.” The fact that I walk like a drunken sailor has demanded that I slow down.
This is just fine. Our practice is to deal with what is in an upright and direct manner. We will do what we will do and (just now) it seems that task is to take the dogs for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me, we have a new addition from the shelter in our family. Soku Shin adopted “Binky” the day before yesterday. Binky is a tiny poodle mix of some sort. Soft and cuddly, she fits right into Soku Shin’s arm.)
Life is good.
Be well.
You may see my artwork by going to clearmindzen.org and clicking on "Daiho's Art"
Good Morning Everyone,
This morning, the morning of our day “off,” we both woke early and slipped into the studio to paint. Painting has become both a morning and evening meditation. This morning I had one spot lit and painted nearly in the dark. Color feels rich, but muted, in the dim light, but then when day emerges, the colors tend to pop out and say, “Good Morning!”
Last night our monitor burnt out for our DVD player. I am noticing things are breaking down: car, DVD screen, me. Soku Shin and I talked quietly in the dim light as I put paint on canvas. “What is it?” she asks, indicating in no uncertain terms that she reads me like a book. I tell her I am anticipating more paralysis, more diminishment of competency. The pain in my legs is getting unbearable at times. My left arm is more and more showing the effects of my aging brain. I can no longer walk quietly. I can no longer hold my left hand out without greater weakness. The fingers do not close as they used to and my grip is poor. Shoe tying takes much more concentration and effort, as does tying my robes. I wonder how this will unfold and more, how I will deal with these losses as they begin to take more and more out of me.
A few years ago I was diagnosed with prematurely aging brain syndrome and realized I was heading toward a complete re-paralysis of my left side. At first the docs thought it was Alzheimer’s Disease and I worked out the scenario of losing my memory, thus myself. This thing is a little different and no one could tell me how it would unfold. So I am left, as we all are, knowing our capacity is diminishing, but not knowing which way it will manifest next.
Someone in Office Max yesterday noticed my foot drag and, coming up behind me, said with a smile, “I’ll race you to the front!” Funny. I smiled. She later apologized and said she hoped she didn’t “offend me.” The fact that I walk like a drunken sailor has demanded that I slow down.
This is just fine. Our practice is to deal with what is in an upright and direct manner. We will do what we will do and (just now) it seems that task is to take the dogs for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me, we have a new addition from the shelter in our family. Soku Shin adopted “Binky” the day before yesterday. Binky is a tiny poodle mix of some sort. Soft and cuddly, she fits right into Soku Shin’s arm.)
Life is good.
Be well.
You may see my artwork by going to clearmindzen.org and clicking on "Daiho's Art"
No comments:
Post a Comment