Mindfullness and Toxicity

With palms together,

Good Morning Everyone,





Let’s see, yesterday I did a wonderful little test at the skilled hands of Student Marcos who referred me to the cardiologist he works for at Cardiac Care here in New Mexico. I also did a duplex study of my arteries and a CAT scan of my brain with contrast. The physician was amusing in his grandeur, but solid in his approach. He read my record and did an exam at which point he indicated things looked good, but wanted further tests. I am scheduled for a treadmill stress test on Monday afternoon. The CAT and duplex results will not be available for a few days.



My sense at this point is that all of this is simple anxiety over noticing the subtle --- and sometimes not so subtle --- changes in my body. Zen practice is a practice that has us constantly noticing. We are supposed to “let go” of that which we notice. Perhaps I notice and let go of some, but not all, of this stuff. Aging is one of those processes that is resolutely constant and as it marches, it increases its chorus’s volume in what seems to be daily decibel levels. In addition to this, of course, there are the daily money issues, family issues, and temple issues that exist because we are alive and participating in the world around us.



Zen practice is a healthy practice, but care must be taken to truly do something with those things we are constantly noticing and not allow them to build into snowball weight over our head or weave into a blanket with which we smother our heart. The danger of increased mindful attention, then, is in training ourselves to be aware without providing ourselves the tools to deal with what we become aware of.





What are some of these tools? Well, as Rev. Soku Shin is so fond of saying, “You could talk to me!” Talking about feelings and thoughts is a mainstay process of dealing with anxiety. Exercise is always an excellent option, but remember, it should have a component of vigorous effort built in. Meditation itself is a tool, as is yoga. Tai Chi Chih and Tai Chi Chuan can be very supportive in directing energy flow. Lastly, writing practice is an excellent contemplative tool, as well as a terrific mechanism for ordering and processing our thoughts and feelings.



As I write this, I recall a favorite book of mine written some years ago by Dr. Dean Ornish. It was a program to reverse heart disease and it had four components: a very low fat diet, vigorous exercise, meditation, and bodywork like yoga. Maybe I should take another look at it.



Be well.

September 16

With palms together,


Good Morning Everyone,







Every day brings moment to moment opportunities for change. Today I will undergo several important medical tests: an initial cardiac exam with my new cardiologist and a duplex carotid-vertebral arteries exam and a CT of my brain, for my new neurologist. For some time now I have experienced chest discomfort, pain, and shortness of breath and I had an anomaly on a routine EKG at my annual physical two months ago. My leg and arm seem to be deteriorating faster, and I have headaches several times a week. With encouragement from my partner and a few sangha members, I am getting these tests done. I am hopeful that we will find a cause and that this cause can be repaired.



From 1964, when I began practicing karate, through decades of recovery from combat injuries, and on into my experience of long distance running and the discipline of Zazen, I have come to believe deeply in the personal strength and power of each of us to overcome obstacles. More precisely, I have become a very stubborn person. Sometimes this stubborn discipline is helpful, sometimes it is hurtful. I am coming to believe that in matters of health, it can be hurtful when used in service to avoiding things, but very helpful when used to address healing and engage recovery. While I am a little worried about my body, I am not at all worried about my ability to deal with whatever comes up in each day.



At CMZT this morning we will practice Zazen at 9:30. Tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM we will practice Zazen through the day. Zazenkai is a short, intensive practice period, like a mini-sesshin. It involves Zazen, kinhin, samu, and oryoki. We will practice in silence.



At our Temple, we practice Zazenkai once a month and sesshin once a quarter. It is very important to have such extended periods of practice as they help us deepen our practice discipline and help us get under the surface of things.



Please consider establishing an intensive day of practice in your home if you cannot attend Zazenkai at our Temple or another.



Be well.

September 14

With palms together,

Good Morning Everyone,





Our Zen 101 group is going strong. It is so good to see such an interest in not only understanding Zen, but actually practicing it. We sit for an hour from 6:00 PM to 7:00, then hold a discussion based on a text selection. This week it was on Clouds and Water, the priest’s track in Zen. Next week we will talk about a lay track.



These distinctions are somewhat fuzzy here in the United States as most Zen priests are actually lay priests and not monastics. As in anything Zen, distinctions such as “monastic” and “lay” are more a thing of the mind than anything else. A priest who goes into sesshin or Zazenkai is a monastic. A priest can form relationships, even marry and have children, but in the Zen world, a priest has by vows, shifted priorities.



What is most central in a priest’s life is the condition of conditioned things: the universe itself. According to tradition, a priest takes vows leading to stability, service, simplicity, selflessness, and the accomplishment of the Buddha’s Way. Priests frame these and understand these in an array of ways. My friend Claude Anshin for instance, assumed vows of poverty and chastity, he only eats one meal a day and does not drink, smoke, or eat meat. He owns nothing and lives off of the donations to his foundation.



Other priests might have a home and a job, children, a wife or husband, and credit cards. In both cases distinctions should not be made as to which is “more religious” than the other. Both priests have made commitments, have obligations, and go about their lives in service to the dharma.



What is true in each case is a shift in focus and priority in the priest’s life from relationship, per se, to dharma and sangha.



Be well

In the details

With palms together,

Good Morning Everyone,



The morning air is much cooler now that we are entering September. We have turned off the air conditioners and opened the windows. It is a good thing to feel fresh air, but along with it comes teaser sounds which trigger both of our dogs to bark. So, we have fresh air and barking dogs. All is right in the world.



All day yesterday I worked on my painting, details for sesshin, the WebPages, and various other small tasks. I spoke over Skype with my disciples Rev. Kankin and Rev. KoMyo. In the first case we talked about our everyday practice, in the second case, preparations for the coming sesshin. Soku Shin was away most of the day taking care of business of a different sort.



Everyday practice is every moment practice. It involves realizing that each and everything we do, we should do with stillness of mind, what I will call “deep posture.” To do this we must give up our attachment to one form of practice over another. To do that we must realize Zazen is not about the “superficial posture,” the “picture” of our practice as seated buddhas. Formal Zazen is a method of getting our mind and body oriented to the environment in such a way that all fall away leaving only presence. It is this “deep posture” or “presence” that can be opened in each moment regardless of our superficial posture.



We carry this Deep Posture with us everywhere. We are born with it and have the capacity to access it in each and every breath. When painting, just be in the paint, in the canvas, in the manifestation of the painting. When writing, just write, completely and fully expressing what you are. When walking, just walk. Walk completely, fully, touching the earth with your heart. This is not special. It is every day.



Do this and the details of our lives become like the jewels of Indra’s Net.



Be well.

September 12

With palms together,

Good Morning Everyone,



Yesterday was September 11th, 2011, a day of its own accord. Today is September 12, also a day of its own accord. Let’s practice to stay in each day and live it, not another. I wrote on my “status” bar on Facebook, “When tears are our measure, rage soon follows. Zen living is not about tears or jeers, but rather, it is about not holding on to them. “



The measure of a Zen Center or a Teacher is not whether or not we are moved emotionally, but rather that we are taught to experience a feeling and let go of it before we turn it into something. Zen is not about feeling warm and fuzzy, it’s not about feeling special or serene or anything else. What Zen is about is direct experience of what is without grasping it, clutching it, or valuing it.



Yesterday our nation seemed emotionally captured by the violence perpetrated by a few tortured individuals. Our media (to their shame) flooded us for weeks with images of terror, sadness, and heroics. We (to our shame) seem to have become a nation of vicarious bottom feeders, who, having engorged ourselves and reveled in the emotion, today feel quite spent.



I read comments on a few Zen Teachers sites and see a host of sappy sentiment. Those teachers ought get out their sticks, CRACK!: Wake up! Where are you? When are you? Do you smell the air? Can you feel your feet? Do you hear that birdsong or that car’s tires rolling on the pavement? To use “The Little Prince"’s words, these are “matters of consequence.”



Care must be taken around memorials, as with memories from the past. They conjure up emotions which often run amok. Feel, but let go. Do not value the feeling. Do not treasure it, hold it, or otherwise keep it, as it will turn on you. Remember, the first and last principal of Zen is to be here now.,



Be well.

September 10

With palms together,




Good Morning Everyone,







This morning, the morning of our day “off,” we both woke early and slipped into the studio to paint. Painting has become both a morning and evening meditation. This morning I had one spot lit and painted nearly in the dark. Color feels rich, but muted, in the dim light, but then when day emerges, the colors tend to pop out and say, “Good Morning!”







Last night our monitor burnt out for our DVD player. I am noticing things are breaking down: car, DVD screen, me. Soku Shin and I talked quietly in the dim light as I put paint on canvas. “What is it?” she asks, indicating in no uncertain terms that she reads me like a book. I tell her I am anticipating more paralysis, more diminishment of competency. The pain in my legs is getting unbearable at times. My left arm is more and more showing the effects of my aging brain. I can no longer walk quietly. I can no longer hold my left hand out without greater weakness. The fingers do not close as they used to and my grip is poor. Shoe tying takes much more concentration and effort, as does tying my robes. I wonder how this will unfold and more, how I will deal with these losses as they begin to take more and more out of me.







A few years ago I was diagnosed with prematurely aging brain syndrome and realized I was heading toward a complete re-paralysis of my left side. At first the docs thought it was Alzheimer’s Disease and I worked out the scenario of losing my memory, thus myself. This thing is a little different and no one could tell me how it would unfold. So I am left, as we all are, knowing our capacity is diminishing, but not knowing which way it will manifest next.







Someone in Office Max yesterday noticed my foot drag and, coming up behind me, said with a smile, “I’ll race you to the front!” Funny. I smiled. She later apologized and said she hoped she didn’t “offend me.” The fact that I walk like a drunken sailor has demanded that I slow down.







This is just fine. Our practice is to deal with what is in an upright and direct manner. We will do what we will do and (just now) it seems that task is to take the dogs for a walk. (Oh, that reminds me, we have a new addition from the shelter in our family. Soku Shin adopted “Binky” the day before yesterday. Binky is a tiny poodle mix of some sort. Soft and cuddly, she fits right into Soku Shin’s arm.)







Life is good.







Be well.







You may see my artwork by going to clearmindzen.org and clicking on "Daiho's Art"

JMJM

With palms together,

Good Evening Everyone,

On the Zen Living list, Ch’an Master Jue Miao Jing Ming , asked me a question the other day. “Dear Sensei, Do you consider Zen a Mahayana practice? If so, what does Mahayana actually do?”



While Zen is within the Mahayana tradition, it is not a Mahayana practice as I understand it. Student Rev. Shoji and I were discussing this question today and Rev. Shoji brought up an interesting distinction. He argued that Mahayana Buddhists aim at the Bodhisattva ideal to free all beings before they, themselves, enter nirvana. He points out that from a Zen point of view, self and other are one, therefore there is no one, but oneself, to free.



Zen Master Seung Sahn argues in his Compass, that both Theravadan and Mahayane traditions have “roads,” but that Zen has not only no road, but no map, as well. The practice is practice realization as one. Path and destination are not two.



These beg the question, however, “What does Mahayana actually do?”



Mahayana does nothing. Mahayana is just a word. And we can see from the question that such things as words and concepts can create a hindrance. We could ask a better question, “What is Mahayana practice and what does it do?” The aim of the practice is to free beings, but how?



Again, Master Sahn offers the Six Paramitas as “practice guides.” They are rather like the manifest value in the nexus between idea and behavior, rather like the term “Quality” as used in Pirsig’s “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.” A Mahayana practitioner practices to make manifest the six aspects of our true nature in the hope that to do so will free suffering beings.



A Zen practitioner, however realizes practice and life are one, that everything is already free, perfect as it is, but that we jail ourselves with our thoughts. A Zen practitioner notices and ceases all grasping: no attachment to ideas, desires, things, feelings, etc.

A Zen practitioner is free and easy in the everyday world. His mind is free and his heart limitless. He recognizes all beings are likewise like this.



Be well.